- Hi, I'm Jay Laga'aia Now I'm always amazed when people say that my children are so much like me. 
Sometimes I feel like we have nothing in common. But in truth we have so much in common. Even when we're at odds with each other. 
And you have lots in common with your teenagers too. Now what that does mean however, is that when your teenager is driving you crazy, you can be pretty sure that you're driving them crazy too. 
Remember the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. When you're feeling conflict at home, nine times out of 10 you're both feeling the same thing. But from opposite ends. 
Here's what's actually going on. 
Now, you're on this side and you're thinking 'they don't trust my experience.' 
You feel uncertain. 
Meanwhile they're on this side thinking 'I'm 14 years old, they don't trust me.' 
They're feeling uncertain too. 
Now you think 'they don't appreciate all the things I do for them.' [the word frustration appears on screen]
And they think 'they don't appreciate how much harder it is for me.' [the word frustration appears on screen]
You think 'they just don't listen to me.' [the word isolation appears on screen]
And they think 'they have no idea, I don't want their advice.' [the word isolation appears on screen]
You ask yourself 'why don't they talk to me?' [the word desperation appears on screen]
And they ask themselves 'why don't they listen to me?' [the word desperation appears on screen]
And then you both start feeling angry. 
Sounds familiar? The thing is, there will always be differences of opinion, but when we realise that underneath it all we're all struggling with the same emotion, it can make it easier to find common ground. 
One suggestion is to use the I statements. For example, 'I felt like this' or 'you know what, I felt like that.' 
And for the first time in your conversation you both know how each other feels. And from there, just sort it out.