Help your teen transition into adulthood

From age 13 to 18, a young person is on a roller-coaster of self-discovery as they cope with ever-increasing change and expectations. By the time school wraps up, your teen might feel like they’ve had enough demands placed on them to last a lifetime – exactly at the point when we ask them: ‘What do you want to do next?’ It’s a lot.

Whether your teen’s path leads to uni, an apprenticeship, a gap year overseas or something totally different, here are some tips to help them build resilience, make plans and cope with future stress.

What’s ‘future stress’?

Future stress is what it sounds like: worrying about the future. For your teen, this might include: 

• anxiety about their ATAR and if uni will leave them in huge debt

• apprehension about losing school’s safe routines and friend groups

• uncertainty about whether they’ll find a job they like – or any job 

• doubts about meeting traditional cultural expectations (especially if they’re gender or sexually diverse) 

• feeling under pressure to move out of home

• fears about wars, pandemics and the environment. 

It’s totally normal for teens to have mixed feelings about the next phase of life, and for you to have worries, too.

Recognising the signs of future stress

Clues your teen might be stressed about their future include:

• emotional outbursts

• changes in their appetite or sleep

• headaches or stomach aches

• avoidance of talk about the future, or obsessive over-planning

• negative self-talk, or perfectionism

• low motivation and other signs of depression

• increased drug or alcohol use.

How to turn worry into action and excitement

Support their self-care

Whether it’s weekly guitar lessons or swim squad, encourage your teen to keep up their hobbies and exercise activities. Practising a skill can make them feel calm, and the buzz from getting sweaty is a proven stress beater. Regular team or hobby group meet-ups can also offer welcome predictability as school routines drop away.

Meditation and yoga can also help your teen clear their mind and feel calm. The free app Insight Timer has a host of breathing exercises and sleep hacks. Find ideas for self-care activities the whole family can do together.

Get expert advice

You might not have the answers about your teen’s options, but these people can help:

• school career counsellors, year coordinators and wellbeing officers

• TAFE or uni admissions office staff

• favourite teachers, community elders and mentors

• career counsellors (look online together for a local one)

• headspace’s Work & Study program, which helps 15–25 year-olds find jobs, prep for further education and plan their career.

Reinforce their connections

Get ahead of the curve as school wraps up and help your teen plan a weekend trip or to host a movie night to keep up with school friends. Share resources like PeerChat, where your teen can connect with trained peer workers, and , a mental health platform with safe online communities for young people going through the same thing.

Encourage positive thinking

Sit down with your teen and get them to visualise what their ideal life might look like. Maybe it’s living somewhere new, having pets, working flexibly, travelling, or helping to save the planet. Even if they can’t think of anything right now, brainstorming can help them identify which bits of that life are worth aiming for.

Support their routines

Whether it’s keeping their room tidy, journalling or just walking the dog, your teen can find comfort in small things they have control over when so much is out of their hands.

Back their good intentions

Being part of the solution to global problems can be an amazingly satisfying and empowering thing for your teen. Suggest the One Small Step app, which gamifies cutting carbon emissions in everyday life. Volunteering in an area your teen is passionate about can be a great way to build skills, confidence and connections – it could be something you do together.

Help your teen roll with uncertainty

A lot of future stress boils down to how comfortable your teen is with sitting with uncertainty, which is influenced by their personality and lived experience. This goes for you, too – if you’re stressed about your teen’s future, that only adds to the pressure and brain fog they feel.

• Try new things. You can build tolerance of uncertainty while having fun together. Watch a movie neither of you knows anything about, or take a trip somewhere new and celebrate the surprises along the way.

• Encourage positive thinking. Help your teen to recognise their strengths and to practise gratitude by asking them over dinner: ‘What were three things you were thankful for today, and what was one challenge you got through?’

• Make a backup plan. Remind your teen that exams aren’t everything. Help them to investigate options like apprenticeships, internships or bridging studies in case they don’t get the exam results they hoped for. 

If your teen is struggling, get familiar with a range of online professional mental health supports like eheadspace, beyondblue and Kids Helpline.

How you can help your teenager get a job

The working world has changed a lot since you were starting out, with things like AI automation and the rise of the ‘gig economy’ – casual contract work, which has less stability and fewer benefits, but more flexibility, than a full-time job – making it even more competitive. Whether your teen is looking for casual hours around studies or an internship at their dream company, you can support their job hunt while building their resilience – without treading on their toes. Here’s how:

• Set expectations. Talk to your teen about what kind of job they might like and whether that’s realistic considering their strengths, results and local opportunities. 

• Help them to plan their week. Chat about the impact working will have on their timetable: will they be able to juggle studies, socialising and hobbies as well?

• Let them lead. Encourage your teen to write their CV and contact potential employers themselves. Talking to new adults and following up are skills they’ll need for life.

• Play coach. Like all of us, your teen will get knock-backs. Your job isn’t to protect them from these, but to recharge their batteries so they can try again.

• Share wisdom. Tell your teen about a job setback in your life to show them they’re not alone and that persistence is rewarded. Teach them to have a growth mindset.

The money talk

Once they’re earning, your teen will need to make smart choices about spending, saving, superannuation and credit cards. Teach your teen financial literacy to give them the know-how to negotiate with employers, save for things they want, build their super and avoid debt traps throughout their life. ReachOut’s ‘Study, work and money’ hub for young people is a perfect primer.

There are no wrong answers

With so many options and so much economic uncertainty, your teen still might not have any idea of what they want to do long term, and that’s okay – most adults only think in five-year blocks. In fact, with research suggesting that young people will change careers up to four times during their lifetime, staying a little flexible might be a good move. 

Instead, encourage your teen to set smaller goals as a monthly plan they can expand into a 12-month plan as things change. Whatever they choose – or fall into – back them with love all the way. Everyone’s different, and if they only did what we expected them to do, how boring would that be?