Supporting effective communication with your teen

It’s often said that communication is the key to a healthy relationship. While it might sound like tired advice, it’s a skill worth learning – and one that can help strengthen all of our relationships. 

As your child grows up, the way you communicate with them needs to evolve to reflect their increasing independence and changing needs. Finding new ways to communicate effectively with your teen can feel tricky for both of you, but it can help build a stronger connection, encourage openness, and make it easier to navigate tricky conversations and conflict with confidence.

This article can help if:

• you feel disconnected from your child

• you and your child don’t speak

• you want to encourage your child to talk about what’s going on for them

• you want to improve your relationship with your child.

What does effective communication look like?

Here are some key signs of effective communication with your teen:

• You and your teenager feel safe sharing thoughts and feelings honestly, and you both feel heard and understood. 

• You talk about everyday things, and you also feel comfortable talking about the tough stuff when you need to.

• You have a close, easy way of sharing things, and you both know you won’t be judged because you love and care about each other.

In busy households, it’s easy for meaningful conversations to get lost in the rush of daily life. Making intentional time to talk can help you stay connected and find out what’s going on for your child.  By planning ahead, you can choose a time when the kids are likely to be relaxed and not feel rushed.

Check out more tips for having a great conversation.

Why is effective communication important?

As your teen grows, your relationship naturally changes. They start seeking more independence, and it can sometimes feel like you’re losing connection or missing out on what’s going on in their lives. But your role remains just as crucial, even if it looks different. 

Teens need their parents’ support, guidance, and a listening ear now more than ever. Psychologist Clare Rowe shares this insight:

You don’t need to have all the answers or be your teen’s best friend. Effective communication builds trust, which makes it more likely your teen will  come to you when they need help or want to share something important.

What can help in communicating effectively with your child?

Here are some tips to support positive, constructive conversations: 

• Show genuine interest and curiosity. Ask open-ended questions that invite sharing, like ‘What was the best part of your day?’ or ‘How are you feeling about that?’

• Give them your full attention. Put away distractions and really focus when your teen is talking.

• Practise empathy. Try to see the situation through their eyes and acknowledge their feelings.

• Avoid just jumping straight into advice. Sometimes, teens just want to be heard rather than fixed.

• Choose the right setting. For important conversations, find a quiet space without distractions. It’s worth thinking about what worked well in the past. For example, talking in the car can feel less confronting than sitting face to face for some teens.

Barriers to effective communication

It’s natural to face challenges when talking with teens. Here are some common barriers to watch out for:

• Interruptions and distractions, which can make your teen feel ignored or unimportant.

• Jumping in with advice, rather than listening to what your child has to say. This can shut down conversations before they start.

• Judging or dismissing what your child has to say. Invalidating their point of view damages trust.

• Overwhelming your child by firing questions at them. This can feel like an interrogation rather than a chat. 

Tips for effective communication from a psychologist

In this video, psychologist Clare Rowe shares her best tips for creating quality and effective conversations that can help your teenager to open up about their feelings.

Video transcript.