Ask an expert: Getting support for online bullying

By Christabel Walkley, ReachOut Parents Coach

Online bullying is a common issue that many young people face. While parents are often best placed to support their teen with this issue, it can be difficult knowing how to navigate it. When we first speak to parents who are seeking support from ReachOut Parents, they often feel worried, overwhelmed and unsure about what to do.

ReachOut Parents’ One-on-One Support service helps parents and carers to better understand issues such as online bullying, to develop skills and strategies to support their teen, and to create a plan to ensure they're safe and able to thrive. 

If your teen is dealing with online bullying, there are steps you can take to support them.  

Look out for the signs

‘Online bullying’ refers to behaviour that is mean, unkind and intended to hurt others. It’s often repetitive and can happen across all platforms, such as social media, games and apps. When it’s not addressed, it can have a negative impact on a young person’s mental health.

It’s important to know what to look out for. Here are signs that your teen might be being bullied online:

• They’re upset after using their phone or computer.

• They’re being secretive about their online activity.

• They’ve become more withdrawn, sad, angry or hostile.

• Their friendship groups have changed.

• They’re falling behind in their schoolwork. 

• They may be refusing to go to school.

• They’ve generally become disinterested in things.

• Their sleeping patterns have changed.

Stay calm and check in with yourself

Big worries can sometimes lead to big reactions. Make sure you check in with yourself before tackling the issue with your teen. It’s important to try to remain calm, as teenagers are more likely to open up about what’s going on for them if they know you can handle what they want to share with you. It’s worth remembering that banning technology isn’t always a helpful solution, as it can lead to young people feeling more isolated.

Start the conversation

This can be a tricky one. Many parents we speak to say that it’s really hard to get their teen to open up, particularly when it comes to difficult conversations. But if you’re concerned about your teen, the only way to understand the problem is by having a conversation with them. Here’s what you can do:

• Try using ‘I’ statements, and letting your teen know what you’ve noticed about their behaviour/emotions that’s making you feel concerned. For example, ‘I've noticed you've been a little bit withdrawn lately. Did you want to chat about it?’

• Try to listen more than you talk, and to be open-minded and non-judgmental in your approach.  

During One-on-One Support, we spend a whole session helping parents and carers to develop the skills they need to communicate successfully with their teen. Parents often report that they have more success with having difficult conversations with their teens after completing the session. Get more tips on having a difficult conversation with your teen. 

Involve your teen

Having your teen involved in finding a solution is a surefire way to empower them to make a change. Ask them what they think would be helpful. If you’re willing to listen to their ideas, they may be more willing to listen to yours.  

By taking this approach, you’re also helping your teen to develop their problem-solving skills. If you’re not sure how to do this, One-on-One Support can help you to navigate a plan and teach you the skills to support your teen with problem solving.  

Of course, safety always comes first, so sometimes you’ll have to be the one to have the final say – but you can do this with them.

Find the solution

While there’s no quick fix when it comes to online bullying, here are some things you can try out: 

• Address the bullying by reporting the behaviour.

• Change your teen’s privacy settings to increase their safety online.

• Support your teen to talk about the issue, or seek extra support from a professional, such as a counsellor.  

• Encourage your teen to spend less time online.

• Help them to focus on their strengths, and to build new friendships and interests away from the online world.  

Whatever you opt for, we can support you to work out what’s best for your family.

Get support for yourself

Don’t forget that it’s really important for you to get support for yourself. It’s normal to feel worried, hurt or frustrated by your teen’s online activity. One-on-One Support can help you to manage these feelings so that you feel confident about supporting your teen.

Every family’s situation is different, which is why our coaching service is a great support option. We help parents and carers to create their own strategies and solutions, tailored to their family’s unique situation. We support them to increase their knowledge and to develop the skills needed to work with their family so that they can face whatever challenges life throws at them.  

Sign up to One-on-One Support.