Navigating behaviour changes, conflict and cultural differences

By ReachOut Content Team
Updated 02 May 2025

A bit of friction between teens and parents or carers is normal, especially as your young person starts to explore their independence and make more of their own choices. For teens from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds, disagreements can be intensified by the extra layer of cultural expectations from family and the community. 

It might feel like your teen is unreachable at times, especially if they were raised in Australia while you moved here from somewhere else or had a very different upbringing. The key to bridging your differences is to talk openly and honestly so that you each understand where the other one is coming from.

How cultural differences can add pressure

Even if it seems your teenager has it easier than you did, they’re working hard to balance their identity between home life and the mainstream culture at school and work. Australia might be a multicultural place, but your teen can still sometimes feel isolated, misunderstood or subjected to racism.

You might feel upset at the thought of them disconnecting from their heritage as a way to fit in, which might make you want to be stricter about things like religious customs, schoolwork or cultural duties. This response comes from a loving place of wanting to pass on strong family values and to set up your young person for success in a society that can be prejudiced and unfair. It can also be an extra stress on your teen, making them feel trapped, resentful or like they can never be good enough. 

Recognise your teen’s unique identity

You can kickstart positive communication by accepting that your teen has different influences, options and priorities to what you had at their age. What worked for you or other adults in your community might not be right for your teen today. 

You and your teen have a shared goal – their happiness – so you have a great foundation for cooperation. Being a little flexible about your hopes and dreams for them can take the pressure off family discussions.

Manage disagreements constructively

Here are suggestions for how to manage disagreements.

  • Take the lead. When you’re both in a calm state, sit down with your teen and start an open, judgement-free chat to find out what they’re going through.

  • Practise active listening. Ask open-ended questions to understand their side of things. Try to see any differences between your views as neither good nor bad; they are just different. Thank your teen for being honest – this encourages trust and indicates you’re aware that explaining things to you is emotional work for them.

  • Meet them halfway. If you’ve butted heads over something, ask your teen what they think would be a good compromise and negotiate from there by making exceptions and adding conditions. Even if you can’t agree right away, your teen will feel heard.

  • Set boundaries respectfully. Teens need to know where the limits are, but putting your foot down can force a stalemate. Ask for your teenager’s input on evolving rules – you might be surprised how reasonable their demands are. (Here are some tips on boundary setting.)

  • Nourish your relationship. It can be hard not to overload your teen with requests and obligations whenever you grab a minute to chat. Break out of this rut by doing fun activities as a family, like making music or cooking a traditional dish. This can also be helpful if language differences complicate heavy talks.

  • Reassure them of your unconditional love. Let your teen know you’ll always be there for them, even if you don’t always understand what they’re going through or agree with their choices.

Watch this video, where clinical psychologist Dr Shilpa Madiwale shares ways to navigate conflict and cultural differences with your teen.

Video transcript.

When does normal behaviour become worrying?

Every young person has different circumstances and ways of dealing with stress, but generally all teens exhibit some of the following behaviours at some point: 

  • moodiness

  • irritability

  • withdrawal

  • boundary-testing.

Deciding when your teen needs support from a trusted adult or mental health professional depends on the extent of these behaviours. 

Signs of something more serious include:

  • loss of interest in family, friends and activities they usually enjoy

  • indications of or talk about self-harm

  • dramatic drops in school marks

  • anger that tips into violence or aggression

  • noticeable changes in appetite or sleep patterns

  • extreme mood swings or behaviour changes

  • other symptoms of depression or anxiety.

Check in with your teen and ask them gently what’s going on for them. (Here are some tips for having a chat about mental health.) They might downplay their problems or be reluctant to talk to you out of fear of how you’ll react, and that’s okay. That’s when it’s helpful to find the right professional who can act as a neutral figure.

Find appropriate help for your teen

If your teen is struggling, it’s important to get them support as soon as possible. This can be daunting if you’d normally deal with problems privately within the family or avoid mental health professionals because of past bad experiences or fear of gossip. 

A good starting place is to take your teen to your GP, who will assess whether it would be helpful to see a specialist like a psychologist through a mental health care plan. If it makes it easier, look for a professional from a similar cultural background or who speaks your preferred language.

It’s a big decision to share painful personal matters with an outsider, but trust that this is just between you, your teen and the professional, who has your family’s wellbeing at heart. 

Prepare yourself to let your teen talk without you in the room if they’re more comfortable with that arrangement. This is normal and doesn’t mean your professional is ‘taking sides’. They’ll keep you in the loop on your teen’s progress, and you can also have joint sessions where you’ll figure out strategies as a team. Here’s what to expect from booking in with a psychologist and some information on confidentiality.

Encourage your teen to tap into culturally informed mental health resources and communities for ways to feel better. Here are some options. 

Extra supports include:

  • friends and extended family

  • trusted teachers, sports coaches or club leaders

  • counsellors or wellbeing officers at school/uni/TAFE

  • community leaders and Elders.

Needing help yourself isn’t a sign of weakness

Seeing your teen struggling can be scary and upsetting, and any family drama takes a toll. Make sure you get your own support in place so you’re in the best state to help your teen and to stay calm during family disagreements. Keep up routines that make you feel emotionally strong, and reach out to friends or community leaders for advice and other perspectives. 

Not feeling good? You can find professional support you’re comfortable with through:

Did you find what you needed?