Supporting your transgender teen

Creating a safe, supportive space for a trans teen to explore their feelings and identity can make a world of difference. Watch clinical director Ross Jacobs at QLife talk about how best to support your transgender or gender-questioning teen, or jump to what you need for more practical tips:

• Ask your teen about their mental health and wellbeing

• Provide your teen with support options

• Talk about transphobia

• Work with their school to support them

• Seek support for yourself

Video transcript.

Ask your teen about their mental health and wellbeing

The process of coming to terms with gender identity can be complicated, particularly during adolescence when the body is changing in ways that don’t align with how they view themselves. This experience can have quite a serious impact on their mental health.

Ask your teen directly about how they’re feeling about these changes:

• Are they struggling to get dressed in the morning? 

• Has school been tough? 

• Have they been feeling down or overwhelmed? 

‘The most helpful thing you can do is ask them if they have any ideas on how they would like to be supported by you,’ says psychologist Linda Williams. It may feel like a relief to voice some of these feelings, and it may help them see a need for support from you and others. 

Provide your teen with support options

While addressing any immediate concerns is the priority, building a strong long-term support system will leave your teen better prepared for whatever they may face along their journey.

Support can come in many forms, so encourage your teen to try different things so they can find what works best for them. This may include:

• connecting with others on online forums like the Minus18 Discord channel or qheadspace)

• joining a support group (check out Transcend’s list of transgender support groups)

• speaking with friends, family, Elders or other trusted people in their circle

If they don’t know where to start, you can direct them to our list of LGBTQIA+ support services over on our youth website.

If your teen indicates they’re really struggling, it may be best to seek professional help, which could include:

• GPs or specialty nurses

• psychologists or counsellors

• peer workers

• digital support services, like QLife, ReachOut PeerChat or eHeadspace.

Speaking to a professional may feel daunting to a young transgender person, who may worry that they won’t be understood or accepted. Try searching for practitioners who are experienced in working with transgender people on AusPath’s directory of trans-friendly practitioners. 

Talk about transphobia

It’s natural to be worried about how the world will treat your teenager, and sadly, transgender people are often on the receiving end of transphobic comments and harassment. Talking about what transphobia is, how it looks, and when and where it can occur can help your teen to identify and cope with it. 

Transgender people are often spoken about in the news, and a lot of this media coverage is harmful and transphobic. Don’t be afraid to speak about these news stories with your teen to give them space to vent or share their feelings. Remind them of their strengths and encourage them to seek support from their wider community.

Here are some other ways to support your teen in coping with transphobia:

• Listen to their worries and provide them with emotional support.

• Help them to report any instances of discrimination they encounter.

• Share resources about how to cope with transphobia.

• Encourage good wellbeing and healthy habits that build resilience.

Work with their school to support them

Deciding when and how to come out at school can be one of the most complex parts of a transgender teen's experience. Research shows that LGBTQIA+ teens who come out at school enjoy better mental health than those who come out later in life, but it’s important to understand your teen’s needs and support them in making the best decision for themselves. Here’s how you can approach it:

• Ask them about their hopes and concerns and help them figure out what they’d be comfortable with. If they don’t feel ready to come out, that’s okay. Make sure they know they’re in the driver’s seat.

• Check if the school has supportive policies for LGBTQIA+ students and whether there are protections in place for transgender teens. 

• Provide options for what coming out at school could look like. For example, they might choose to come out to a few trusted classmates first, or speak to a trusted teacher, the school’s wellbeing coordinator, or the school counsellor for additional support.

Seek support for yourself

Supporting your teenager through embracing their identity can be tough. You want the best for them, but you may also need to balance this with your own doubts or fears. By seeking support for yourself, you’re caring for both you and your teen.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, consider seeking professional guidance for yourself. Talking with other parents who’ve been through similar experiences or connecting with support networks can help you manage your own emotions and ensure you're in a good place to help your teen. If you’re unsure about where to start with seeking support for yourself, you can ask other parents for advice or visit your GP.