Blended families with teenagers

Being part of a blended family can be tough, but there can also be a lot of positives. We look at how to help everyone in your step family mix in the best way possible.

What is a blended family?

When people talk about ‘blended families’, they’re usually talking about when two divorced/separated/single parents bring their kids and start living together. What that actually looks like is different for everyone, and there’s no one-way of doing it. It can be an exciting time, but real people aren’t the Brady Bunch! So there can also be sadness, feelings of loss, frustration and anger. And that’s ok. It’s best to be real about it, and talk about it with your partner and your kids heaps of times before it happens.

What are some common issues?

You might come-up against a range of issues when raising teens in a blended family. Some of the most common issues include:

• anger and blame towards the new side of the family for the change

• jealousy between kids

• teething issues around adjusting to new routines, rules and boundaries

• confusion: ‘who’s in charge of me now?’

• frustration at having to move to a new area and try to fit in again

• awkwardness with fitting into a new house especially things like sorting out new bedrooms

• changes in your relationship with your new partner now that everyone is living together under the one roof.

Teens can often feel stuck in the middle between parents and step-parents when growing up in a blended family. But it doesn't need to be this way. Hear how one family managed the transition into a blended family by involving all 6 (!) kids every step of the way.

Benefits of living in a blended family

We talk a lot about step parent struggles and the hard parts of being a blended family. But there are also many up-sides, too. Raising a blended family gives you a chance to talk about issues that might have been swept under the rug in the previous family unit. It’s not about pretending that there are no negatives, but if you can focus on the positives, things can actually be much better than they were before. It can also be a great opportunity to start something exciting and new.

How to deal with different parenting styles in a blended family

Blending families often means blending parenting styles. It’s normal to find that yourself and your partner/s have different approaches. Here are some tips to help you find common ground:

• Talk it out. Have open, honest chats about your parenting beliefs. Listen with the intention of understanding, not just responding.

• Find the middle ground. Look for areas where you agree and build from there. 

• Be a united front. Even if you disagree behind closed doors, try to present a consistent message to your kids.

• Respect each other's strengths. Maybe one of you is great at setting boundaries, while the other excels at emotional support. 

• Be patient. Blending parenting styles takes time. Be kind to yourselves and each other as you figure it out together.

• Keep learning. Parenting styles can evolve as your family grows and matures. Stay open to new ideas and approaches.

Understanding your own parenting style can also help you better navigate blending parenting styles with your partner/s. 

What makes a blended family work better?

• Talk about the new ground rules and routines before you move in together. Get everyone’s input, write out what you come up with and put it up somewhere where everyone can see, like the fridge. This guide walks you through how to set up new rules for your blended family.

• Focus on what you have in common and do things you all enjoy together. Spend one-on-one time with your step kids as well as your biological kids. This article has some great tips and ideas on how to find things to do with your step kids.

• Create a family culture where it’s ok to talk about issues. Have dinner together each night where you chat about your day and what’s going on in your life. Sharing things that are happening for you can also help teens open-up about themselves.

• Don’t bad-mouth you or your partner’s ex in front of the kids. If you're having trouble with your ex check out this video on handling conflict.

Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. The goal is to create a loving, supportive environment for all the kids in your blended family. With open communication and a willingness to work together, you can turn different parenting styles into a strength rather than a source of conflict.