Ask an expert: Pornography, teen mental health and wellbeing

Pornography has changed a lot since we were young. So, for many parents, carers and educators, it’s sometimes hard to know what the key concerns are now. 

You might be wondering whether it’s old-fashioned, or sex-negative to even be concerned about porn use? Or maybe you have no idea how to support young people when it comes to this topic. Because, let’s be honest, talking to teens about porn can be pretty awkward.

To help you feel more prepared to support your teen, here are some answers to common questions parents and carers have about the impacts porn can have on young people’s mental health and wellbeing. 

In this article, Jayne answers:

• How can porn impact my teen's mental health and wellbeing?

• How does porn shape the way my teen thinks about sex, relationships and consent?

• What is considered ‘normal’ porn use for teens, and when does it become worrying?

• How would I know if porn is starting to impact my teen's wellbeing?

• How can I talk about porn and set healthy boundaries around it?

• What can I do if my teen feels ashamed, confused or upset about porn?

• Can porn help teens explore their sexuality, and can I support that in a healthy way?

• What should I do if I'm really worried about my teen's porn use?

How can porn impact my teen's mental health and wellbeing?

Pornography itself isn’t inherently harmful, but the context in which teens are accessing it can be. Today’s porn is part of a massive global industry that often prioritises profit over healthy or realistic depictions of sex and sexuality.

Some teens might have experiences with pornography that are neutral or even informative. Others’ experiences might make them feel ashamed, anxious or confused. This may happen if your teen feels unsure about whether they’re watching too much porn or if they’re being exposed to violent or degrading content. 

While porn use isn’t officially classified as an addiction, emerging research suggests that it can become compulsive or habitual for some people. These patterns may alter the brain’s reward systems, particularly dopamine-related pathways, in a similar way to other digital media use. This may make it harder for your teen to stop using porn even if they want to.

Some young people also report that porn affects their connection with partners or their own self-image. Because shame around sexuality still exists, many young people don’t feel safe asking for support. That’s why open, non-judgemental conversations are so important.

How does porn shape the way my teen thinks about sex, relationships and consent?

Mainstream porn often lacks clear consent, condom use, diversity and intimacy. Teens might watch porn and feel they have to be hypersexual or perform certain sexual acts to be accepted.

Porn can also portray sex as a transaction and people as objects. This is reinforced by tags like ‘MILF’ or ‘teen’, which are intended to drive algorithms but in the process reduce people to categories. Without comprehensive relationships and sex education, including porn literacy, young people may start to imitate what they see – leading to poor consent and sexual health practices. 

Porn can also normalise violent or degrading acts and gendered portrayals, such as ‘men must be dominant and women available and submissive’. These norms can, in turn, be a driver of sexual violence.

Recently, researchers and health professionals have noted a rise in ‘rough sex’ among young people, including the act of sexual strangulation, sometimes called ‘choking’. Strangulation experts advise there is no safe way to strangle, yet studies show that many teens are feeling pressure to engage in it, with this pressure connected to porn use. The Breathless Campaign offers clear, non-judgemental information about the risks of ‘choking’. 

Parents have a really important role here. I’d recommend accessing resources from ReachOut, Teach Us Consent and Scarleteen to learn more about how to support your teen to have healthier and more respectful sex – and relationships generally. 

Most importantly, you can model respectful relationships and name instances of intimacy, respect or care when your teen displays them. For example, you might say:

• ‘Hey, I was really proud hearing you check in on your partner to make sure they were comfortable at family dinner the other night.’ 

• ‘It was cool to hear you working out what movie to see with your friends and considering their thoughts, too.’ 

What is considered ‘normal’ porn use for teens, and when does it become worrying?

Just a reminder that online pornography is classified for people over 18. But we know that teens are accessing it, so it’s important to stay calm when the topic comes up.

One of the main concerns for teens and their parents is how much time they are spending watching porn. While not formally classified as an addiction, porn can become habitual and displace other important activities like school, hobbies, time with family and friends, and time outdoors. 

Research suggests that many teens use porn not just for sexual pleasure but as a way to cope with boredom, loneliness or emotional distress. Another red flag is when porn becomes necessary for sexual arousal rather than just an occasional option. 

In Australia, it’s illegal to possess or share sexual or pornographic material involving anyone under 18 – even if it’s content such as ‘nudes’ shared consensually between teens. Sharing intimate images without permission – image-based abuse – is also against the law and can cause harm and have serious consequences.

How would I know if porn is starting to impact my teen’s wellbeing?

When pornography isn’t treated as a taboo topic or something shameful, but instead as a form of media that deserves critical reflection, it becomes easier for young people to share what they’re experiencing and to ask for support if they feel they need it. Still, there are some signs that might indicate a teen is struggling, even if they don’t say so directly. These signs include:

• losing interest in their usual activities

• spending excessive time alone or in front of screens

• being more secretive

• making comments about others (celebrities or peers) that feel overly sexualised or disrespectful. 

Keeping an eye on the balance of your teen’s life – across school, friendships, screen time, physical activity and family life – can offer helpful clues. If something seems off, trust your instincts and start a gentle, curious conversation. You might say:

• ‘That comment you made about Sabrina Carpenter just now wasn’t like you. I’m curious about what you’re thinking.’

• ‘You’ve been spending more time on the computer than usual. I’m wondering what’s caught your attention.’

If your teen does tell you that porn is affecting their mental health, let them know you’re glad they came to you: ‘Thank you for trusting me. It probably felt pretty awkward bringing that up.’ 

In a recent episode of the Emerging Minds podcast, youth advocate and educator Daniel Principe encourages parents to get curious about what young people already know and experience. He notes that teens often have valuable insights. When they feel supported with compassion and without judgement, they can work with adults to find solutions. 

How can I talk about porn, and set healthy boundaries around it, without my teen getting upset or shutting down?

If you experience strong emotions like shame or anger around this topic, it’s important to reflect on your own feelings first and to seek professional support if needed. 

While it focuses specifically on consent, the Consent Can’t Wait campaign offers helpful tools to support adults in having conversations with young people about sexual topics. You might find some of its tips useful when adapting a discussion with your teen to include pornography. Teach Us Consent also offers guidance on talking to young people about porn.

Once you feel a little more grounded (though, let’s be honest, these chats can still be awkward!), look for natural openings. A news story or something in popular culture can help you to break the ice. You might say:

• ‘I saw something about OnlyFans on the news. Porn seems different now than when I was a teenager. I read a couple of things, and there are some real concerns. What’s your take on it?’ 

Asking open, curious questions without judgement invites dialogue with your teen and shows that you respect their opinions. From there, you can discuss things like:

• the more harmful aspects of pornography

• setting healthy boundaries around screen use

• what ‘porn literacy’ might look like. 

If talking face-to-face feels too intense, consider texting them – your teen might prefer it. The key is to be clear that avoiding the conversation isn’t an option, but you’re open to doing it in a way that works for them. Teens are often just waiting for an adult they trust and respect and have confidence in to start the conversation. 

What can I do if my teen feels ashamed, confused or upset about the porn they have seen or how they're using it?

Thank them for trusting you, acknowledge their courage and self-awareness, and let them know you're here to support them. Remind them that sexual curiosity and exploration are a normal part of development and nothing to be ashamed of.

Try not to jump into problem-solving or lecturing – it can make them shut down. Instead, ask if they have an idea of what they need. If they’re unsure, gently ask if they’d be okay with you offering some suggestions or exploring resources together.

What you suggest may depend on what they’re going through. If they’re looking for information or practical tips for managing their porn use, In The Know is a New Zealand–based, youth-friendly and evidence-informed site aimed at young people aged 13 and over. 

If they’re looking for wellbeing or mental health support, the eSafety Commissioner’s website includes links to professional youth counselling and other support services you can explore together. Reassure your teen that help is available and that you're proud of them for speaking up. 

Can porn help teens explore their sexuality, and can I support that in a healthy way?

Some research suggests that when porn depicts diverse, respectful and realistic sexual experiences, it may help young people to better understand their sexuality. However, most mainstream porn isn’t portraying these experiences, and as porn isn’t recommended for anyone under 18, you can better support your teen by helping them to find alternatives that are more age-appropriate and affirming.

There are lots of books, films and TV shows that explore sexual identity in a thoughtful and inclusive way and which are aimed at a young adult audience. Some that I love include:

• Sex Education (MA 15+)

• Heartbreak High (MA, 2022)

• the Heartstopper graphic novels and Netflix series (M, 2022–2024), which also resonate strongly with LGBTQIA+ teens. 

Watching or discussing this kind of media can create natural, judgement-free entry points for conversation. Check out the content first to make sure it aligns with your values, and then say something like: ‘I checked out Sex Education on Netflix and I really liked it. Have you watched it?’

If you think your teen is using porn to better understand their sexuality, you might also introduce the idea of ethical porn. While not endorsing porn use for under 18s, researchers at the University of Sydney suggest criteria for ethical porn, including consent, diversity and ethical production. Talking about these ideas helps to build porn literacy and supports teens to think more critically about what they see online. 

What should I do if I’m really worried about my teen’s porn use?

Reaching out to a mental health professional for yourself or your teen is always recommended if you’re concerned and need some extra help to navigate this challenge.

The eSafety Commissioner is your go-to for up-to-date Australian information about online harms and safety, including the impacts of pornography. Their support page allows you to filter resources based on the type of mental health or wellbeing impact you or your teen might be experiencing. You can also filter by state or territory, age, sexual identity, disability or cultural background, and access support in languages other than English. 

It’s Time We Talked is an Australian violence-prevention initiative with a wealth of information to help schools, parents and communities understand and address the influence of pornography. Their tip sheets for parents may be especially useful. They also support an initiative called Porn Is Not the Norm, which is tailored for autistic young people and their carers.