Supporting your teen through grief and loss

When your teen loses someone or something important to them, it can be a really tough time. They might not express their grief in ways you expect, and they may struggle to process their feelings in healthy ways.

As a parent or carer, it’s important to hold space for your teen during times of grief and loss. Learn about the many forms grief can take, how it might affect your teen, and how you can provide support that works for them. 

Types of grief teens can experience

Grief isn’t just about the death of a loved one. For teens, grief can come in all shapes and sizes, and sometimes these losses aren’t always obvious or visible to others. Here are some common causes of grief in teens:

• the death of a loved one (family member, friend, pet)

• separation or divorce in the family

• a friend or loved one moving away

• friendship breakdowns

• romantic breakups

• missed opportunities or milestones

• loss of cultural or community connection

• loss of identity

• change of school or loss of a sense of belonging

• serious illness or injury.

Family and relationships therapist Chana Anthony explains that experiencing grief and loss can be particularly challenging in adolescence. 

No matter what your teen’s loss looks like – it’s valid. Adolescence is such a formative time, and even grief that might seem ‘small’ to adults can feel overwhelming to a teen. Understanding the different types of grief they might be feeling is the first step in recognising the signs that your teen might be going through a tough time. 

Common grief responses in teens

Teens, just like adults, will vary in their responses to loss. ‘Grief won’t always present as a teen crying,’ Chana says. ‘It might present as them being angry. It might present as them withdrawing. It might present as them being very moody.’ Chana also says they may feel totally disconnected from the sense of loss they have experienced. 

Importantly, every teen is different. How they express their loss will depend on a range of factors, including their age, their past experiences, and how their brain works (e.g. if your teen is neurodivergent). Grief can also be deeply shaped by cultural and spiritual traditions, which may guide how they find meaning in experiences or choose to mourn.

Some common grief responses you might notice include:

• withdrawing from others

• trouble concentrating

• mood swings or irritability

• feeling disconnected from identity or community

• seeking connection to culture 

• changes in sleep or appetite

• acting as if nothing has happened

• risk-taking or impulsive behaviour

• school refusal or decline in school performance

• tearfulness or emotional outbursts

• headaches, tiredness or nausea

• becoming unusually clingy or avoidant.

Your teen might be experiencing a range of feelings, such as:

• sadness or heartbreak

• confusion, shock or disbelief

• fear or anxiety

• guilt, regret or shame

• anger, rage or frustration

• numbness or emptiness

• loneliness or longing

• hopelessness or helplessness.

As Chana reminds us, these responses and feelings are often a natural part of grieving. 

If your teen is looking for real stories from other young people who have experienced grief, share our youth grief resources with them. Reading about how others have coped with loss can help them to feel less alone, make sense of their own emotions, and see that healing is possible.

Strategies for supporting your teen

1. Create a safe space for them to feel their feelings

Let your teens know that all their feelings – even the messy, overwhelming or unexpected ones – are valid. ‘We want to see teens express some emotions,’ Chana explains. ‘There would be cause for some concern or worry if they showed absolutely no emotions at all.’

Rather than trying to ‘fix’ how they’re feeling, simply listen to them. Be open, honest and consistent in your communications, but also respect their choice not to talk if they’re not ready. Here are some more tips for having a difficult conversation with your teen.

2. Let them lead the way

Grief isn’t one-size-fits-all. Your teen may need different kinds of support at different times. Check in with them without putting them under any pressure, and ask them how they would like to be supported. Encourage them to memorialise and grieve in ways that work for them, even if it’s different from what you might expect.

3. Encourage creative and healthy outlets

Grief can be hard to put into words, especially for teens. Encourage your teen to explore outlets that help them to express what they’re feeling and that give their emotions somewhere to go. 

This might include movement activities such as walking, dancing or playing sport, or creative activities like drawing, music or journalling. It could also mean telling stories, connecting with their community or engaging in cultural practices. 

4. Be vulnerable, too

If you’re experiencing the same loss, or you’re feeling affected by your teen’s grief, it can be really challenging to stay grounded for them. But it’s okay to show your emotions. Your being open about your feelings can help your teen to feel less alone, while also modelling healthy emotional expression.

Chana suggests taking time to tune into how you’re feeling and how you’re processing it. ‘You can share a bit of vulnerability while holding the depths of the despair your teen might be feeling.’ 

5. Look after yourself

Supporting your teen through grief can be emotionally demanding. Taking care of yourself helps you to show up for them. Have a think about the outlets and self-care activities that work for you – whether that’s spending time in nature, being with loved ones, connecting with your community, journalling, or seeking out professional support options if needed.

When to seek professional support

Grief is a normal and natural response to loss, but sometimes it can become overwhelming or prolonged. If your teen’s distress is intense, doesn’t seem to ease over time or starts to interfere with their day-to-day life, it might be time to reach out for extra support. Signs to look out for include:

• ongoing withdrawal from friends, family or activities they once enjoyed

• ongoing sleep issues or changes in appetite 

• intense sadness, hopelessness or emotional numbness

• signs of anxiety, agitation or constant worry

• persistent difficulty in focusing, keeping up at school or maintaining routines

• problems with accepting the loss

• lack of trust in others

• reckless or risk-taking behaviours

• suicidal ideation or self-harming. 

When it comes to extra support, you could start with booking in with your teen’s GP. They can chat through what’s been happening with your teen and help to connect them with the right support – such as a counsellor, family therapist, psychologist, peer worker, grief support groups or other mental health services. Chana recommends seeking support from professionals who have experience of supporting individuals, teens and families through grief.

If your teen wants to talk to someone straight away, or prefers not to talk face-to-face, they could also call a helpline or use an online chat support service such as:

• Lifeline – call 13 11 14, text 0477 13 11 14 or use the Lifeline online chat

• Kids Helpline – call 1800 55 1800 or use the Kids Helpline online chat

• 13YARN (for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people) – call 13 92 76 or visit the 13YARN website.

Remember, grief is a natural but often complex experience for teens. How they cope with it might look different from what you expect, but the most powerful thing you can do is to stay connected with them, offer them support, and show them you are there for them.