Teens and sexuality

The teenage years are a time when many young people start to explore their sexuality. Sexuality includes feelings and attraction on all different levels, not just who you have sex with. This can be an exciting time, but it can also be confusing or overwhelming for young people and their families. 

Watch the video below from Ross Jacobs, clinical director at QLife, or read on for more tips on sexuality and how to support your teen as they’re navigating their identity.

Video transcript.

Understanding different terms used to describe someone’s sexuality

Young people may use a variety of terms to describe their experiences and attractions. It’s important to respect and learn these terms to better support your teen. Here are some of the common labels teens may use to describe their sexuality: 

• Heterosexual: Attracted to people of a different gender.

• Lesbian/Gay: Attracted mostly or only to people of the same gender.

• Bisexual: Attraction to more than one gender. Some prefer terms like pansexual (attraction to all genders) or queer (a broad term for non-heterosexual identities).

• Queer: A term reclaimed by the LGBTQIA+ community to describe identities outside heterosexual or cisgender norms. It’s often used by people who don’t identify with terms like gay or bisexual but who identify as non-heterosexual.

• Asexual: Little or no sexual attraction to anyone.

Signs your teen may need support

Working out your identity and worrying about where you ‘fit in’ can come with challenges like anxiety, stress, bullying and isolation.

Many LGBTQIA+ young people report experiencing bullying or discrimination at some point, which can deeply impact their wellbeing. Some signs that they might be struggling include:

• being withdrawn from others, or losing interest in usual activities

• changes in behaviour, like being irritable and moody

• feeling constantly tired or experiencing changes in usual sleeping patterns

• appearing restless or anxious, or expressing feelings of worry or hopelessness

• physical symptoms such as a stomach ache or headache.

Discovering their sexuality can also be a liberating, positive experience for your teenager. Although many people experience homophobia, coming to terms with their true identity can give your teenager a sense of belonging and an opportunity to connect with a new, nurturing community. You may notice your teenager:

• quitting activities they used to do because they thought they 'had to'

• trying new things that you didn't know they'd be interested in

• making new friends and sometimes moving away from existing friends.

How to support your teen with their sexuality

• Create a safe space for your teen to talk without judgment or pressure.

• Learn about the terms and identities that your teen might use or relate to.

• Help your teen find supportive friends or community groups, including LGBTQIA+ youth organisations.

• Allow them to share their identity on their own terms and timeline.

• Seek professional help if your teen shows signs of distress affecting their daily life.

Check out our guide to supporting your teen’s sexuality for more in-depth tips.

If your teen needs additional support, we’ve put together a comprehensive list of LGBTQIA+ support services over on our youth site. 

If you’re after support for yourself, QLife offers free, anonymous phone and online chat support for LGBTQIA+ people and their loved ones. To connect with other families going through similar experiences, PFLAG+ Australia is a peer support group assisting parents, families and friends who have a loved one come out as LGBTQIA+.