How to build coping skills for anxiety

Anxiety can feel pretty overwhelming – not just for teens, but for parents and carers, too. While professional support can play a crucial role, you can still help in meaningful ways. Focus on the small, everyday things you can do to help your teen learn how to cope with anxiety.

This article covers:

• Start by having a conversation about how they’re feeling

• Encourage a foundation of healthy habits

• Create a toolkit of coping strategies they can use

• Get the whole family involved

• Support them to reach out for help whenever they need it

Start by having a conversation about how they’re feeling

Teens dealing with anxiety often feel isolated or misunderstood, or unsure of what’s happening to them. Just by checking in with your anxious teenager and letting them know you’re there to listen, you may relieve them of a lot of worry by reassuring them that someone’s looking out for them. Here are some tips for having an open conversation with your teen about their anxiety:

• Pick a calm moment, such as during a quiet activity or when sharing a meal.

• Ask open-ended questions – for example, ‘How have you been feeling lately?’ or ‘What’s been on your mind this week?’ You could gently point to something you’ve noticed lately, such as them withdrawing from their social life or dropping an extracurricular activity. 

• If they choose to open up, validate their feelings and thank them for trusting you: ‘That sounds really tough. Thanks for telling me.’

• Avoid trying to suggest solutions straight away. Just listen and be present.

• Let them know they’re not alone and that you’re there to support them through this.

If they shut down or don’t want to talk right now, that’s okay. Tell them you’re there whenever they want to chat and then wait a little bit before trying again.

Encourage a foundation of healthy habits

Helping your teen maintain a healthy lifestyle can reduce the effects of anxiety. These routines give them better skills for coping with the ups and downs of everyday life. 

Here are some small, routine changes that can give them a boost and help them to regulate their anxiety:

• Regular exercise. Being active has been shown to reduce anxiety and depression. Exercise is a great stress reliever and helps to improve physical health.

• Healthy eating habits. Stick to a regular schedule of mealtimes, provide nutritious meals and snacks, and encourage your teen to drink plenty of water. This will support both their physical energy and mental development.

• Regular sleep schedule. Their brain needs time to rest and recharge. Getting enough sleep helps them to make good decisions, stay present and lower their stress levels. 

• Connecting to others. None of us can get through life alone. Spend time together as a family, encourage your teen to hang out with their friends, and talk to them regularly to maintain your connection.

Create a toolkit of coping strategies they can use 

Coping strategies can help your teen manage anxiety in the moment. It's helpful to experiment and build a personal toolkit of what works for them when things feel overwhelming. 

Try some of these strategies:

• Teach them simple breathing techniques to help in immediately reducing their anxiety symptoms and calming them down. A great technique is box breathing: inhale for a count of 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, and repeat.

• Encourage them to write down their worries and to set a time to revisit their notes later. This technique, used in cognitive behavioural therapy, can help to prevent excessive worrying from taking over someone’s life.

• Show them some free mindfulness and meditation apps, like Smiling Mind or Headspace. Even 5 minutes a day helps.

• Help them to explore a creative outlet like music, drawing, writing or painting – anything that brings them joy and focus.

• Get them to take a short movement break whenever they start to feel their anxiety level rising. A short walk or a few minutes of stretching can help to reset their nervous system.

In the video below, Ben (The Naked Farmer) talks about how he copes with anxiety one step at a time.

Video transcript.

Get the whole family involved

Creating a supportive home environment helps everyone to cope better with stress and anxiety. These strategies focus on how you can support your teen as a family:

• Set a good example by maintaining your own healthy lifestyle. Leading by example creates opportunities to include your teen. Try asking, 'I'm going to the park. Would you like to join me?' or 'Would you like to help me make dinner?'

• Make time to do things together regularly, like walking the dog, playing a board game or eating dinner as a family.

• Have a chat with any other adults or children in the household about how you can all support your teen. (This can also help other children understand what their sibling is going through.)

• Stick to routines to give them a sense of structure and predictability (which is comforting during times of stress).

• Avoid making mental health a ‘big deal’ – make it a part of everyday family conversation.

• Model calm coping when you’re stressed. Your actions often speak louder than your advice.

Support them to reach out for help whenever they need it

Empowering your teen to take charge of their own mental health journey is a vital step towards building independence and confidence. Here are some ways you can help them along the way:

• Let your teen know it’s okay to talk about what they’re feeling and that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

• Make a list together of people they feel comfortable talking to, whether that’s a close friend, school counsellor, coach or a family member.

• Offer practical help, such as finding contact details, drafting a message, or even making a phone call together, but let them take the lead.

• Explore free peer support services like ReachOut PeerChat and Kids Helpline. Sometimes, teens prefer to connect with others their own age. 

While encouraging your teen to manage their own support is important, it’s also vital to know when professional help is needed. If their anxiety is interfering significantly with their daily life, make an appointment with your GP or a mental health professional.

Watch the video below for psychologist Clare Rowe’s tips for managing teen anxiety and depression.

Video transcript.