Teenagers making friends - can parents help?

Reliable friendships are so important during adolescence. But for some teens, it can be really tough. 

By strengthening their ability to connect with others, your teen is more likely to build a strong support network, which is key to their wellbeing and resilience. Here are some things you can do to empower them with the skills and support they need to manage their own social lives.

Why are friends so important to my teen?

It’s important for teenagers to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance from their peers. Friendships can be a network of great support and can offer protection against negative peer relationships, such as bullies. Learning positive friendship skills can help them socially, so they feel happier and more confident. So it’s good for your child’s happiness to be a great friend to someone and to have a group of good friends supporting them.

It’s also important for you to understand and respect that, during their teenage years, your child is figuring out who they are beyond the family. Shared interests, attitudes, social struggles and being in circumstances that may resemble their own are some of the reasons young people will reach out and find comfort in close connections with friends. These connections can help your child learn about trust, respect, acceptance and intimacy, which will be important concepts for them to understand as they enter adulthood.

Ways you can help your teen to form friendships

Teach them how to have a good conversation

Get in the habit of chatting about easy topics like music, films or sport. Encourage them to chat with regular people they interact with, like a neighbour or schoolmate. Teach them to listen actively by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and asking open-ended questions like, ‘That's cool, what do you like about that band?’

Get them to practise breaking the ice

Starting a conversation with new people can be daunting, so support your teen to try small, manageable icebreakers. Come up with some concrete examples, like contributing to a group conversation at lunch, asking to join a game, or asking a classmate about homework. The more they do it, the more confident they’ll feel.

Find opportunities to connect based on shared interests

Making plans around things they genuinely enjoy is a comfortable, low-pressure way for your teen to branch out. See what clubs, youth groups or school holiday programs they could join in your area. Even if they don’t make friends straight away, seeing the same people regularly will create a natural bond.

If they enjoy having a chat while doing something active, encourage them to do something like bike riding or kicking a footy around. If your teen finds it easier making conversation over a keyboard, then forums, creative communities and gaming may be the ideal places to build their confidence. Learn more about teenagers making friends online.

Help them out where you can

If possible, offer a lift to help them get to things or to invite a friend over easily. When they have someone around, suggest an activity, like playing a game or baking, to help the conversation flow.

Be a positive role model and guide

Your teen will have seen what both good and bad friendships look like. Model being proactive in connecting with your own friends, listening actively, and supporting them through tough times - it’ll help teach them how to choose friends and develop great relationships. 

Watch the video below for more tips on teaching your teenager to be a good friend.

Video transcript.

Help them accept that resolving conflict is part of friendship

When your teen is getting to know someone, everything is new, and there can be misunderstandings. Friendships have ups and downs. The ability to resolve conflict is a sign of a strong bond.

Help your teen to think before speaking or messaging – ‘Is this how I’d like someone to talk to or about me?’ Encourage them to know when to step back, especially on social media. They can be the bigger person who suggests talking face-to-face once they’ve had a chance to cool down.

What if my teen has difficulty making friends?

If your teen is struggling to make friends, or it’s affecting their everyday life, check out our friendships resources for more ideas on how to support them. Loneliness is a problem that affects many teenagers, but often, with a little support and encouragement from their parents, it can get better with time.