How to support a neurodivergent teen

Are you looking for ways to support a neurodivergent teen? Whether your teen has been diagnosed as neurodivergent, or you think they might be, there are practical ways you can help and support them during adolescence. 

Neurodivergence is more common than many people realise. In fact, according to Monash Health, approximately one in eight Australians is neurodivergent. Here are a few key ways that you can support your neurodivergent teen:

1. Understand the terminology

A good place to start is by understanding the language around neurodivergence. Here are some key terms that might help:

Neurodiversity

This concept celebrates the natural variations in human brain function, emphasising that there is no single ‘correct’ way to think or learn – only different ways, which makes each person unique.

Neurodivergent 

‘Neurodivergent’ is a broad non-medical term that describes people whose brains work differently from what society considers ‘typical’. An estimated 15–20 per cent of the world's population is neurodivergent, which includes those with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and dyslexia. 

Neurotypical

‘Neurotypical’ refers to people whose brains function within the usual expectations of the general population, but it’s important to note that it doesn’t mean ‘normal’. Most of the information, systems and processes in mainstream society have usually evolved to serve this way of thinking. 

Sharing this knowledge with friends and family can also foster better understanding of and support for your teen.

2. Recognise your teen’s unique needs

Every neurodivergent person has their own needs, based on who they are and their type of neurodivergence. While it’s important to trust your instincts, it’s also crucial to really listen to your teen in order to understand their specific needs. 

Depending on your child’s type of neurodivergence, attending to their needs might be about creating quiet spaces, adjusting the lighting, or providing sensory tools to help them feel comfortable. It can also look like supporting and advocating for their needs outside of home, at school, with family and friends, or in the community.

3. Encourage open communication

Make sure your teen knows they can chat to you without feeling judged. This might mean creating a safe space where they feel comfortable expressing themselves. Focus on active listening, show empathy and validate their feelings. You can also ask supportive questions like ‘How can I help?’ or ‘What would make you feel more comfortable?’ 

Keep in mind that clear communication is important, as subtle cues might be harder for some neurodivergent people to pick up on. If face-to-face talks are difficult, try texting. You can add emojis to your texts to show warmth and empathy.

4. Establish routines with flexibility

Many neurodivergent teens can benefit from having a daily structure. A consistent schedule, with regular nutritious meals, sleep and relaxation, supported by visual aids like calendars, can help them to stay organised and reduce their stress.

It’s important to set realistic expectations and to involve your teen in creating their routine (they know themselves best!). Start with small steps to build their confidence, and gradually add more steps to encourage skill-building and self-esteem. 

Remember that routines don’t have to be rigid. Be flexible and willing to adapt to their changing needs. It's perfectly okay to tweak the routine to keep it effective, especially if your teen’s neurodivergence is geared towards novelty (the need for new, stimulating experiences and variety). 

5. Promote healthy coping strategies

Help your teen to develop effective ways to manage stress and anxiety and to regulate their emotions, especially during intense periods like stressful exam periods. Coping strategies may include:

• regular physical exercise

• mindfulness activities, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises

• engaging in hobbies or creative pursuits

• spending quality time with supportive friends and family.

Self-stimulating behaviours (stimming) like arm flapping, leg bouncing or humming can also help to soothe overstimulation. However, if these actions cause harm, such as if your teen bites their nails or picks at their skin, they might need extra support. Reducing sensory input or finding alternative outlets, like a fidget device or a calming activity, can help your teen to manage sensory overload in healthier ways.

6. Support their mental health and wellbeing

Here are some ways you can support your neurodivergent teen's mental health and wellbeing:

• Foster open communication with them and actively listen to what they say without being judgemental.

• Help them to develop coping strategies for stress and anxiety.

• Encourage regular exercise, healthy sleep habits and balanced nutrition.

• Make home a comfortable, supportive environment that meets their unique sensory needs.

• Help them to connect with others through activities that match their interests and make them feel included. 

• Work with mental health professionals who specialise in neurodivergent young people.

• Teach and model self-advocacy skills to help them express their needs.

• Celebrate their strengths and achievements, no matter how small.

• Make sure they have access to any therapies or support services they may need.

• Learn more about their specific neurodivergence to better understand their experiences.

7. Seek professional support

Seeking professional support isn’t just about getting a diagnosis; it’s about getting your teen the types of support that are right for them. The process for getting a diagnosis can be costly and time consuming, depending on the person’s age, but an early diagnosis may also lead to accessing support earlier, which can be helpful. It’s important to involve your teen in this process to ensure they’re comfortable with it.

Other ways to support your neurodivergent teen

Support their strengths and interests

Supporting your neurodivergent teen’s strengths and interests is a great way to boost their confidence. Encourage them to explore what they enjoy – whether it's a hobby, a creative pursuit or an academic subject – and celebrate their achievements, big or small. 

By focusing on what makes them feel proud and capable, you can help them to grow and thrive in a way that feels natural and empowering. Your teen can also lean on supportive networks provided by shared social interest groups.

Recognise their distress signs and triggers

It can be helpful to familiarise yourself with two key aspects of your teen’s behaviour: their general signs of distress, and specific triggers that lead to outbursts or shutdowns. By recognising both, you can provide support before situations become overwhelming. 

General distress signs might include gradual or sudden changes in their sleep patterns, energy levels, stimming or moods.

Specific triggers could be sensory overload, sudden changes in routine, or challenging social situations. 

You may want to keep a mood journal with your teen to track these patterns and identify potential triggers. This approach can help you to distinguish between ongoing stressors and immediate triggers, to better understand what types of support your teen may need.

Foster independence

Empower your teen to take an active role in managing their symptoms and advocating for their needs. By doing this, you’re supporting their development of problem-solving skills and decision-making abilities. Keep in mind that your teen's identity extends beyond their neurodivergence.

Develop support networks

Your teen’s support network includes their medical and health-care team. If you're considering a formal evaluation for your teen, begin by consulting their general practitioner. They can provide guidance and referrals for further assessment if necessary. Psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers and counsellors can also offer various types of support.

You can also encourage your teen to connect with peers, either locally or online, who share similar experiences. Look for groups or events hosted just for people with neurodivergence. Online communities, such as the ReachOut Online Community, can also provide valuable support.

Collaborate with their school

Choosing whether to disclose your teen’s neurodivergence to their school isn’t always an easy decision, and it’s important to involve your teen in this process. 

Collaborating with your teen's school allows you to develop a personalised education or learning plan. These plans can provide accommodations to support your teen's academic success, such as extended test-taking time or note-taking assistance. Regular communication with teachers and counsellors can ensure that they consistently meet your teen's needs.

What happens if my teen’s school isn’t supportive?

If your teen's school isn't supportive, you have several options. First, try to escalate the issue within the school system, speaking with the principal or school board. If that doesn’t help, you can contact your state or territory's education department for advice and support. 

Even though neurodivergence isn’t considered a disability, if things really aren’t going well with the school, you could consider lodging a complaint with the Australian Human Rights Commission. Schools are legally required to make reasonable adjustments for students with disability under the Disability Discrimination Act 1992. 

Where can I find support as a parent of a neurodivergent teenager?

Caring for a neurodivergent teen can be as intense as it can be rewarding. Research shows that caregivers of neurodivergent children are more likely to experience significant levels of stress, poor mental health, financial hardship and negative relationships. This means it’s crucial to attend to your own wellbeing. Here are some ideas to get you started.

Join support groups

Consider joining support groups for parents of neurodivergent children. These could be general groups or specific to the type (or types) of neurodivergence your teen has and can be valuable resources for shared experiences and advice.

Find online resources 

Explore reputable websites and forums dedicated to neurodiversity and parenting neurodivergent children. Sites like Neurodiversity Hub, Onwards & Upwards Psychology and the Public Sector Neurodiversity Community of Practice can be helpful places to start.

Practise self-care

It’s important to prioritise your own mental and physical health. A good way to start is with a little self-care, which can include engaging in activities you enjoy and practising stress-reduction techniques.

Spend time with family and friends

Spend quality time with people who help to fill your cup. This could be as simple as grabbing a coffee with a mate, or gathering with friends and family over a meal.

Seek professional support 

Consult with family therapists or counsellors who specialise in neurodiversity. You can also access free professional parent coaching with ReachOut's One-on-One support service.

Frequently asked questions about supporting neurodivergent teens

How do I know if my teen is neurodivergent?

While only professionals can provide a diagnosis of specific disorders, it's okay to be curious about your teen’s experiences. You might notice ongoing differences in how they interact or socialise (like displaying ‘masking’ behaviours), communicate, process sensations, organise tasks, manage emotions or learn. Some of these experiences are common in teens, but if they're causing your child distress or affecting their daily life, it might be time to get some professional support. 

Can neurodivergence be ‘cured’?

Neurodivergence isn’t an illness to be cured. The term refers to people who have different ways of processing information and interacting with the world than what is considered 'typical'. The focus should be on support and accommodation, rather than trying to change a neurodivergent person.

How can I help my teen cope with sensory sensitivities?

Work with your teen to identify their triggers and to create a sensory-friendly environment. This might include encouraging them to use noise-cancelling headphones, to avoid certain clothing textures or to adjust the lighting as needed.  

What if my teen resists routines or structure?

Involve your teen in creating routines, and start small. Allow them some flexibility if they’re struggling with routine, but also be open to changing up the routine if it’s no longer working or if your teen’s neurodivergence is wired more for new and different experiences. 

How can I help my teen build social skills?

Encourage your teen to join in on activities that match their interests; this can be a great way to help them build social skills. You could also try role-playing social scenarios together, talking with them about relevant aspects of social etiquette, and encouraging them to join social skills groups designed specifically for neurodivergent teens. Reflecting on the social interactions between characters in TV shows or movies they enjoy is another way to help them develop social skills. 

Every step you take to support your teen is significant. Embrace the journey, celebrate achievements both large and small, and know that you're not alone in this process. Your efforts can make a profound difference in your teen's life.