Ask an expert: Supporting your autistic teen's mental health and wellbeing

My name is Kate and I provide autism assessment services for people of all ages who are exploring their neurodivergence. While the assessment process can be lengthy and thorough, it’s the ‘Where to next?’ that autistic teenagers and their families often feel a bit lost and in need of support. 

Traits and behaviours won’t go away after the assessment, and the challenges that led you to assessment typically remain. What it can provide you are manageable strategies that tackle some of the common concerns you might have at various stages of your child’s journey.

My teen and I are feeling a bit anxious about their upcoming autism assessment. How can I support them through the process?

You and your teen have likely been waiting a long time for the assessment, so the stakes can feel very high, especially as one of its key goals is to unlock access to more services and support. So, to help ease the process, here’s what you can do:

• Focus on the true value of the assessment: uncovering the core issue. This allows for targeted, individualised support, whether the outcome confirms autism or not.

• Reassure yourself and your teen that the thoroughness of the assessment is designed to ensure a really strong outcome. It’s not an effort to invalidate their experience.

• Encourage your teen to ask questions and to participate fully. It might be difficult for them to trust the process, especially if they’ve experienced misunderstandings or negativity from others in the past, including from health professionals.

• Take the time to go through the results with the assessor to make sure you and your teen understand the outcome. 

I’m worried that all the research my teen is doing might influence the assessment. Will the assessor know if my teen really has signs?

This is a legitimate worry, particularly if you’re concerned about the influence of social media on your child’s judgement or critical thinking skills. A recent study into this found that reputable organisations, with the help of autistic individuals, can provide young people with accurate, affirmative and factual information about autism. 

Plus, clinicians who do autism assessments are fully aware of social media influencers with lived experience. And they’re highly skilled at recognising traits and behaviours that may not be natural or don’t seem in context with the many different ways autism in teens can present. Here are things to keep in mind:

• A teen’s engagement with autism content on social media often reflects their attempt to make sense of longstanding feelings of disconnection, difference and difficulty.

• Even if they mimic traits, this doesn’t rule out autism – it might reflect their attempt to feel validated.

• Speak with your child’s assessor about your concerns, to strengthen your confidence in the process.

• Prepare to support your child regardless of the outcome.

How can I help my teen to build a positive autistic identity and advocate for their own needs?

Adopting a neuroaffirmative approach is key. This means viewing autism in teenagers not as a disorder to ‘fix’ but as a unique and valid way of experiencing the world, with both strengths and challenges. Here are some tips:

• Talk openly and positively about autism, celebrating your teen’s individuality. Remind them that they’re amazing just as they are (especially if they’re dealing with negative messages elsewhere).

• Encourage your teen to talk to you about their internal experiences. Taking the time to see the world from their perspective will give you a better understanding of their inner life. 

• Advocate assertively on your teen’s behalf in situations where they encounter misunderstanding or resistance from others, such as from school staff or extended family.

My teen finds it hard to manage sensory overload. How can I create a safe space for them to relax and regulate?

While these spaces can be planned and controlled at home, making sure their sensory needs are met at school and in the community can be a different challenge. Here are some specific strategies for different environments:

At home

• Co-design a safe space with your child to ensure their sensory needs are met. You could purchase a few fidgets and other supportive tools exclusively for them to use at home. 

• Manage the expectations of others in the home. Let people know where these safe spaces are and how they’ll be used.

In the community

• Carry essentials like headphones, water and a stash of fidgets with you. This will help both you and your child feel confident that self-regulation tools are on hand to manage the influx of sensory information that can happen when you’re out and about.

• Some supermarkets offer autism-friendly shopping experiences at certain times. Being aware of these times and taking advantage of them is a great way to navigate sensory overload in public spaces. 

• Consider if wearing a sunflower lanyard would be helpful in situations where you think the sensory overload might be more than your child’s capacity to self-regulate, or even if they’re heading out by themselves.

At school

• It can sometimes help if your teen’s occupational therapist, speech therapist or psychologist can write a support letter to school, stating what sensory regulation tools are needed and the reasons behind them.

• Here are some more school-specific ideas for teachers that might be helpful for you, too. 

My teen faces extra challenges at school. How do I support them, and who should I talk to if needed?

Given the sensory overload, social dynamics and academic demands of school, autistic teens can face a number of challenges. Autistic burnout in teens can be a real concern.

You may also need to explore support options with school staff. This could be a simple chat, or a more formal process such as learning and support meetings or case conferences with members of your teen’s therapy team. Chat with the admin staff at school – they can help you to identify the right school staff to connect with, such as:

• year advisers

• Head Teacher Wellbeing and the wellbeing team

• Head Teacher Learning and Support

• faculty head teachers

• the school counselling team

• a dedicated diverse learning or inclusive learning team.

It’s important to liaise regularly with school staff and therapists to ensure that supports are in place and to adjust them as needed.

My teen struggles to manage intense or difficult emotions. What strategies can I use to support them?

Understanding where the ‘big emotions’ come from is the first logical step, but often it isn’t until the meltdown and exhaustion is over that the trigger(s) or ‘precipitating factors’ can be accurately identified. Your teen might experience emotional overwhelm due to sensory and environmental demands. You can support your teen in a number of ways:

• Reduce additional stressors and have a plan for quick access to regulation strategies.

• Provide a quiet space for them to retreat to and allow their nervous system to reset.

• Avoid problem-solving during meltdowns; wait until they are calm to unpack what happened. For more information on the theory behind this, watch this video.

• Be a co-regulation partner, guiding them towards strategies when they feel too overwhelmed to think clearly.

My teen has a mental health condition as well. What can I do to help them manage?

Ensuring all of your child’s needs are met is crucial to their wellbeing. Whether you have a therapy team or a single clinician involved, ensuring that other aspects of your child’s presentation are well supported is an important part of their treatment plan. Here are some other things to keep in mind when it comes to autism and mental health:

• Common co-occurring issues include ADHD, anxiety and mood disorders. Each of these conditions offers a different set of strengths, differences and difficulties. It’s important to work with your teen’s clinicians to understand how these interact and coexist with their experience.

• Understand that being autistic can create and perpetuate different behaviours and traits that resemble anxiety or depression. Recognising this can provide your teen with the validation about themselves that they need. 

• Recognise that some behaviours may stem from environmental mismatches, rather than from mental health issues, and are a natural response to stressful situations and sensory overload. It’s important for everyone to adjust their expectations of your teen accordingly.

I often feel stressed and burnt out. How can I support my own mental health and wellbeing while supporting my child’s?

Parenting is demanding, and parenting an autistic teenager adds another layer of complexity. The assessment process might also uncover your own suspicions and feelings about being unidentified as an autistic person. Here are some tips for looking after yourself:

• Remember the principle of ‘good enough’ parenting – offering consistent support about 60 per cent of the time is good enough.

• If you suspect you’re autistic too, seeking an assessment may help with your own self-regulation and coping strategies.

• If you’re an autistic or neurodivergent parent yourself, consider seeking your own support to process your experiences and develop sustainable strategies.

• Tap into available resources, such as your teen’s therapy team or online parenting groups, to find community and advice.

• Prioritise self-care and make it a consistent part of your routine, ensuring you’re equipped to manage the challenges ahead.

• Book in a free session with a parent coach to talk more about how you’re feeling and what steps you can take.

What professional support is available for my autistic teenager, and where can I find good resources?

One of the exciting things about the rise of neuroaffirmative identification and assessment is the increased number of clinicians who are ready to provide support and information that’s helpful, relevant and validating. 

Start by exploring neuroaffirmative clinics offering speech, occupational and psychological therapy tailored to autistic needs. Check out this guide for how to select a neuroaffirmative mental health-care provider. 

You can also look for social media accounts, books and websites created by autistic people and neuroaffirmative professionals, such as:

• Reframing Autism’s webinars and resources

• Yellow Ladybugs, for support for girls and gender diverse people

• ASPECT

• books such as Different, Not Less by Chloe Hayden and Queerly Autistic by Erin Ekins.

Remember: supporting your teen through assessment and beyond is a journey. With the right tools, mindset and resources, you can empower them to thrive as their authentic selves.